


A Secret

by Murdocisurproblematicfave



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Angst, Comedy, Fluff, M/M, Slow Burn, myfirstfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-13 17:01:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 20,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11189478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Murdocisurproblematicfave/pseuds/Murdocisurproblematicfave
Summary: 2D and Murdoc have always had a complex relationship. It all begins on a normal day at Kong studios, and ends with a secret.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so this is a slowburner that took me about a month to write. Hope you enjoy. If you wanna follow my tumblr it's @murdocisurproblematicfav. DISCLAIMER: This was my first fic so it is definitely not my best, or as good as my recent fics.

It was so boring on the weekends at Kong studios. Nothing ever happened. Noodle, Russel, Murdoc and 2D only held band practise and recording sessions during week days, so generally on weekends they would all chill separately in their own rooms. Noodle would play video games, and (cry out in frustration whenever she lost), Russel would be working on putting together some beats on his computer for a little solo EP he was working on, he also would dabble in graffiti art when he got especially bored. Murdoc, in typical Murdoc style, would continuously drink bottles of rum alone in his dark, dingy room. He was on his fourth bottle at the moment, lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, listening to blaring classic rock music.

2D loved to occupy himself on these kinds of days. He wasn't one for lying around, and so would get out all of his assorted instruments, and draft possible gorillaz songs. He had a routine down at this point, where he would stand at his window, watching the outside world go by, staring at birds fluttering past, gazing at the looming clouds, and would try and find song inspiration. On this particular Saturday, 2D stuck to this routine.

He held a piece of paper in one hand and had his lucky pencil between his teeth. He gazed with wide eyes at the clouds, which were grey and stormy. He liked this type of weather. The gloom of it. He thought to himself about how it may rain, and maybe if he was lucky, he would get a thunder storm. Extreme weather was perfect for song inspiration, as for him, it evoked many different emotions that he could muse upon. Today, the grey clouds made him feel like he was at the edge of an apocalyptic oblivion, like the universe was waiting for a storm to begin and he was a mere observer.

These thoughts made him think of a great starting line to a song and he took a sharp breathe in, pulled his paper up and started jotting it down. As he wrote, his tongue stuck out of his mouth slightly in deep concentration. He started whistling what that lyric might sound like. He tried a few different tunes for the lyric until he settled on a particular one, and tried his hardest not to forget how it went by whistling it repeatedly as he grabbed his melodica and tried to figure out how to play it. He found the notes on the melodica and that was it, the song writing had begun. He was in full throttle as he wrote and sang drabs of the song, chopping and changing parts as he went along, making rough notes at the sides of the lines about the rhythm, drum pattern or guitar chords.

This was how 2D loved spending his time. Music was everything to him. It wasn't just something for the weekdays when there was band practise, it was something permanently going on inside of him. He constantly sang lyrics from past and future gorillaz songs as he did tasks like clean his room, or while making dinner for the rest of the gang on the days when it was his turn to. He was constantly testing out different sounds on his synthesizers and as he thought about all this, he found himself subconsciously grinning. He loved music, and he loved his job. Despite the fact that sometimes, his fellow band member Murdoc would make things hard for him.

Murdoc was a complicated man, and 2D couldn't work him out. He has known Murdoc for years and years, and he still doesn't know everything about the man, nor did he want to. Murdoc, from the very moment he hit 2D with his car while 2D worked in the music shop, had made his life hell. Murdoc would take advantage of 2D's generally submissive and agreeable nature by bullying him constantly. 2D also resented the man for having an affair with his ex-girlfriend Paula, years ago, in the toilets of Kong studios, of all places. 2D often wondered, after tolerating a beating from the bassist, why Murdoc did it. Why did he bully him? Often, 2D did nothing to deserve the punches and the kicks that Murdoc would serve him. He just couldn't figure out what about himself that Murdoc found so enraging.

These thoughts would race through his mind, and 2D would become extremely sad whenever Murdoc would throw insults at him undeservedly. Although he knew the man was pure trash, 2D looked upon himself as even more worthless. After being beaten so many times, he started to believe it was all his fault, like he deserved it. 2D felt a single tear run down his cheek as he sat on this bed, holding his melodica with both hands. He rubbed his cheek with the sleeve of his oversized jumper and lay down slowly in his bed, burying himself under the sheets.

2D's electric blue hair was spread outwards on the bed, as he lay sprawled, and still. The lights in his room were off but it was still dimly lit by the sunlight that travelled through the thick stormy clouds out the window. 2D closed his eyes and let the bed sheets consume him. After a good few hours of song writing, he needed a breather. He lay for a few minutes before the silence in his mind became a sudden nicotine-fuelled urge for a cigarette. So he slowly rose from his bed, grabbed the cigarette packet on his bed side table, fumbling in the packet until he found a single cigarette which he lightly bit between his teeth. He walked towards the window sill, where his lighter lay.

2D opened the window and leaned against the window ledge. He looked out of it as he lit the cigarette and took a long drag. When he exhaled, the smoke rose into the outside air, and he watched the swirling smoke, and then he spent a long while observing the world go by, puffing contently.


	2. Chapter 2

Murdoc had stopped drinking. He knew he had overdone it when he started to become emotional. That's when he knew to stop. He knew that when he was emotional drunk, he couldn't really predict what he would do, but it was nearly always embarrassing to remember drabs of his emotional escapades the day after. Sometimes when he drank too much while out, he would take a girl home, only to sit with her and sob about his troubled past, his tormented childhood, his sick father that he resented to this day.

Despite his father being long dead, he was still very much alive in Murdoc's mind. Murdoc sat up abruptly from his bed at the memory of his father. Rum bottles clinking and rolling away from him as he did so. His hair fell down so it was almost covering his eyes, so he ruffled it forcefully. His father would appear in order to judge Murdoc's bad decisions, to make sly passing comments, to make Murdoc feel like shit.

He would remember how his father used to beat him, how his older brother Hannibal would do nothing to help little Murdoc. In fact, most of the time Hannibal would join in with the beating. And now, as an adult, It all made Murdoc feel a little overwhelmed. Murdoc knew he could be unpredictable, but the funny thing was he was even unpredictable to himself. He struggled to analyse situations and assess his emotions because he has been programmed to repress such feelings from a very young age by a sad excuse for a family. Sod them. Sod the lot of them. He hated that his memories were still occupied by the likes of them. They were filth, and yet they made Murdoc who he is today. But, Murdoc judged, that may not be a good thing.

He had been laying on his bed listening to music for way too long, and so Murdoc decided it was time to rustle up something to eat. It would be a sufficient way of distracting himself from his own thoughts, and it was his turn to cook today after all, and he did have something planned.

Murdoc's black eyes flitted towards the alarm clock he had by his bedside. It read 3:30pm. A bit early for dinner, but he thought he may as well start as there was nothing else to do. He poked his feet out of his bed covers and they both met the floor with a thud. He pushed himself out of bed and stumbled to his bedroom door, unlocked it and winced as he opened it to the brightly lit hallway. Squinting, Murdoc padded down the hallway, making his way to the kitchen. He wore only black boxers, he never liked wearing a lot of clothes. The other Gorillaz members all knew that too well.

He passed Russels room where he heard some synthetic drum beats being played over and over, being altered slightly and edited every so often. He then passed Noodles room where he heard gun fire and shouting. She was probably playing a game that was certainly an over 18, but he couldn't care less about that. Russel on the other had would probably object to her playing such violent games if he wasn't so engrossed in whatever he was doing. He heard Noodle cursing in Japanese and a thud, which sounded like the controller was thrown across the room. He assumed she had lost. He rolled his eyes. Kids and their video games.

Murdoc payed close attention as he passed 2D's room, but he heard nothing. Not a single thing. He placed an ear next to his door to try and pick up on any kind of sound coming from the singers room. But nothing came of it . Murdoc shrugged it off and headed downstairs. The dullard was probably doing nothing of importance anyway.

When he got downstairs, Murdoc pondered for a while about how he was going to make the dinner. He wasn't one for using recipes. He usually just thought of something, and made it using whatever was in the fridge. Today he had planned to make a lasagna. He opened the rickety fridge and brought out one tomato, some cheese and one packet of mince meat. There was a little bit of milk left too, but when Murdoc checked the cupboards, he realised there were no pasta sheets. But what he did see was a half empty packet of Doritos on the kitchen counter. A brilliant replacement for pasta sheets, he thought. Might even taste better.


	3. Chapter 3

Murdoc was just adding the finishing touches to his make-shift lasagna when 2D walked slowly into the kitchen. Murdoc made a grunt sound, not wanting to engage with 2D yet as he was concentrating on adding the right amount of cheese to the top of his dish.

2D felt awkward as he entered the kitchen and set eyes on Murdoc. He didn't quite know what to say, so he said nothing at all. He stared at the floor and itched his arm as he made his way to the dining chairs to sit down. 2D had his laptop tucked under his arm, and when he got to the table he set the laptop down and opened it up, sitting down gently. Murdoc had finished with the lasagna and sprung up abruptly from his stooped over position. "Get a load of this Dents" he said enthusiastically as he picked up the lasagna dish and showed 2D. Murdoc had a toothy grin on his face, and his eyes lit up. 2D turned his head to observe the lasanga. It looked like a mess, and 2D swore he saw a Dorito in there. However, 2D didn't want to upset the man, who looked so proud of his creation. 2D smiled and nodded making an appreciative 'mmhm' sound. "Looks good Murdoc yeah" he lied.

Murdoc wasn't too impressed with 2Ds apparent lack of enthusiasm, and he scoffed. "Whatever, you wouldn't appreciate true artistry if it hit you in the face dullard". Murdoc in one swift motion, placed the lasanga in the middle shelf of the oven and shut the oven door. 2D at this point, had rolled his eyes at Murdoc's rude comment, and preceded to block the sound of him out by plugging his headphones into his laptop and placing them on his ears. He played music loudly while browsing social media. He had only entered the kitchen thinking he heard Russel come down. He and Russel had planned to show each other the music they had been working on. However now because it would be too awkward to leave, he was trapped with Murdoc.

2D scrolled down Facebook. He saw he had 5 unread messages from his mom. He decided not to open them at this point in time. She was far too concerned about 2D, and out of love, would call and message him persistently to check how the singer was. He had been feeling especially down lately and isolated himself from a lot of his family. The sudden fame of the band and the way his life had changed had led to a lot of fluctuating mental states, consisting of highs and lows. Although admittedly, mostly lows. 2D vowed to message her later, but not right now. Not while Murdoc was looking right over his shoulder. Wait. Murdocs hot breathe was falling on 2D's neck and he smelled a strong stench of stale cigarettes and rum.

2D flinched forewords, turning his head rapidly to face Murdoc. "Mate you scared the shit out of me" 2D said with a puzzled expression on his face. Murdoc was gazing at the laptop screen with a smile on his face. He gestured to the screen. "Dents look at that fantastic bird". 2D looked at the screen to see what Murdoc was talking about. A video of a talking raven was playing automatically on 2D's Facebook timeline.

Murdoc gazed at the inky raven in awe. "What a specimen, and he talks too?" Murdoc tutted. "What i'd give to steal myself one of those". 2D never really liked birds. Not when they were too close. He didn't like the way they flew erratically. They freaked him out a lot of the time. But even 2D had to admit, the raven was beautiful. "It's...a nice bird Muds". His voice shaky. He couldn't help but sound a bit nervous, considering Murdoc was so close to him, looking over his shoulder. He was within hitting distance and it unnerved him a little.


	4. Chapter 4

Suddenly 2D couldn't feel Murdoc's breath on his shoulder any longer and he looked in the reflection of his laptop screen to see the man had gone. Murdoc had walked back towards the kitchen counter to make himself a cup of tea. Just as he did so, Noodle and Russel entered the kitchen. They seemed to be arguing about something. Noodle was wearing pyjama shorts and a baggy t-shirt, she was bare foot and her hair was especially bedraggled. Classic signs of a teenager who had no intentions of making an effort for the day. Comfortable clothes were Noodle's usual attire, and she made no apologies. Russel wore a hoodie and track-suit bottoms, and he was clutching onto his laptop and two small speakers. As usual, he towered over the diminutive Noodle.

"I told you once and I will tell you again, those games are not a good influence on young minds Noodle". Russel looked angrily at the girl. Noodle folded her arms as she walked. "Russel you forget that I am intelligent enough to know the difference between real life and the game world" she sat at the kitchen table, opposite 2D. "it's not like i'm suddenly going to go on a killing spree because of some silly shooting game" she snivelled, and looked to 2D for his support on the matter. 2D smiled, but didn't interrupt. He wasn't one for taking sides. Russel sat next to 2D and sighed loudly as he arranged his laptop and speakers at the table. "Honestly Noodle..". 2D, excited that Russel was finally down to show him the music he had been working on, adjusted his chair so it was facing Russel. "So Russ, whatcha been working on today then?".

Russel began to smile. "Well it ain't much, but I have started working on my EP. I began with some syncopated drum beats that I tried out on that electric drum set I bought off amazon, yanno the one?" 2D nodded. "Yeah. It's been more complex than I initially planned for though, so I haven't had chance to work on any other elements of the song except for the beat, and a tiny bit of SFX".

Russel opened his laptop and pulled the music program up. 2D was excited, he always liked to hear Russel's work. He wouldn't usually admit this, for fear of sounding soppy. But he really admired Russel, as a musician and as a friend. 2D made a toothy grin at the fact that Russel seemed to be delaying. "Go on then, lets have a listen" 2D said while gesturing at the play button on the screen. Russel obliged and pressed play.


	5. Chapter 5

Murdoc leaned on the kitchen counter top, one hand holding his mug of tea, the other a cigarette he had been lighting while the others were bickering. He listened in at the beats playing on Russels laptop. They sounded good. he didn't always agree with Russel in music taste. They had virtually nothing in common. But that didn't necessarily mean he doesn't recognise that what Russel does, requires pure talent. That's why he kidnapped him in the first place. He watched as 2D bobbed his head to the beat. Russel laughing when 2D started to become a bit too enthusiastic, bobbing his head furiously at the chorus in a jokey fashion. A smile crept on Murdocs face. The kid was such a dork. A big blue haired dork.

The music ended. "Sounds good so far Russ, you better send me a link to how I can download this EP when it's done mate" 2D said. Russel smiled "Thanks D, I appreciate it. It's been a tough one so far but the hard work really pays off". 2D nodded in agreement. Murdoc decided to chime in. "Are you gonna include vocals?". Russel turned to face Murdoc. "Nah. I don't have any intention to. Not unless the song really screams out for a vocal element. So far I think this particular song will be just instrumental". "Ah" Murdoc nodded, taking a drag of his cigarette.

Russel saw the cigarette and shook his head. "Murdoc you ain't supposed to be smoking inside. I've told you and D that if you really gotta, smoke by a window". Noodle agreed "yeah Murdoc it does smell especially smokey in here. Like you have smoked a hundred cigarettes all at once". Murdoc scoffed at their comments and took another drag. "I will smoke whenever and wherever I want to, plus it doesn't even smell that bad". 2D's nose quivered as he smelled the thick air, he gazed upwards to see grey smoke swirling around the kitchen. "Wait Muds" he said, slightly puzzled. "Is that lasanga still in the oven?"


	6. Chapter 6

Murdoc's eyes opened wide and he steered himself towards the oven. He grunted as he practically pulled the lasagna out of the smoking furnace. Burnt. Not completely, but burnt nonetheless. Murdoc placed the lasagna on the kitchen counter top and forcefully pushed it away, pushing the dish out of his sight. "Well we can't fucking eat _that_." He turned his nose up at the dish that now resembled a lasagna even less, with its top where cheese once was, now a crusty black.

"Let me take a look" Russel said. Jumping on the chance that the lasanga wasn't burnt entirely. He walked towards the kitchen, and stood beside Murdoc. He then proceeded to prod the lasagna with a fork he picked up from the kitchen counter. Noodle tried to hold in giggles at the way Russel prodded the dish from a distance, as if it were a potentially dangerous creature. "Yup. Burnt to a crisp. Ah well Murdoc. There are a bunch of cans of tomato soup in the cupboard. Lets just all have that for dinner".

As Russel made his way to the cupboards to get the soup, his back facing Murdoc, he let out a deep exhale at not having to eat one of Murdocs ghastly creations for dinner. He unwillingly remembers the time he found two cut toenails and a crows feather in one of Murdocs mysterious fish pies that he made a few months prior. Russel visibly shudders at the unwelcome memory as he takes out the soup cans.

2D looked at Murdoc shyly. The man was leaning over the countertop, eyes down. A quickly diminishing cigarette balancing in one hand. He looks..genuinely sad. 2D never really saw him look like this. Not unless Murdoc was extremely drunk. He had heard Murdoc mention a few days ago that he had planned to make a lasagna inspired by the way his grandmother used to make them. He seemed so excited then. 2D knew despite his hard exterior, the man must feel crushed.

He watched as Murdoc grabbed his mug of tea and went to leave the kitchen, probably in an effort to conceal his sadness. As Murdoc neared the door something bubbled up inside 2D. "Wait". 2D blurted. Murdoc didn't turn around, but stood hesitantly at the door with his hand on the knob.

"It could be okay". 2D walked to the lasagna dish and observed it hesitantly. Maybe it isn't as burnt underneath. 2D grabbed a knife and cut a slice out, placing it on a plate Russel had provided for him in the nick of time. As he did so, Murdoc turned around with a stern look on his face. "I appreciate it face-ache, but the things burnt to a-". Murdoc stopped suddenly as he saw that the lasagna was perfectly fine underneath. Russel raised an eyebrow.

"Fancy that" the drummer said. "Yanno Murdoc, a burnt top is a sign your oven is too hot. Just turn the heat down a bit next time". Noodle laughed at Russels baking knowledge. "You learnt that from that baking TV show, didn't you Russel?". Russel nodded at the girl with a grin on his face. "Whatever Noods. Can't a man enjoy the Bake Off every now and again?". He said with a snarky look on his face. 2D smiled gingerly at Murdoc. "Lasagna for dinner then?".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fluff to come people. In the next few chapters i'm planning something big to happen. But i'm making no promises as to when cos I am just going with the flow with this one. Hope you are enjoying it so far though!


	7. Chapter 7

Noodle looked at the food she had on her plate. She decided that she wouldn't be surprised if the lasagna started to stare back at her, it looked that far removed from anything edible. Like some alien creature, she thought. She held her fork hesitantly in one hand, not wanting to commit to aiming it at the food and taking a slice yet, as she was unsure she wanted to eat the sorry looking creation of Murdoc's. She knew that once she took a bite, that was it. She would have to pretend she liked it so the old man wouldn't get angry.

The situation was almost funny, as she raised her eyes and looked through her fringe at 2D and Russel, who were both eating with sour looks on their faces. She raised an eyebrow at Russel, who broke her gaze immediately, the man was obviously holding in the urge to laugh, and it made Noodle feel even more like she was going to explode with laughter. She practically vibrated with held in laughter, as Murdoc took another bite of his dish contently.

"This isn't exactly how my grandma used to make it lads, but I think i've made a good stab at it". He smiled to himself as he chewed. "Yanno.." he said despite a full mouth. "I used doritos instead of pasta sheets. You wouldn't have guessed it though would you?". Murdoc looked to the others for their agreement. Noodle looked at her plate to see Doritos jutting out of the lasagna in every direction. This only made her want to laugh more, and her face flushed red as she tried to hold in even more laughter. 2D answered Murdoc. "Nah Muds, I would never of thought it". He lied shakily. Murdoc made a smug facial expression at the answer, he knew his Dorito idea was good.

Russel saw Noodle from across the table, who seemed to be making a desperate attempt to hold in laughter. He gave her a stern look but knew the girl was too far gone, and would soon erupt. Russel decided to swiftly change the subject. "Hey, D, Murdoc, do you wanna go check out that new night club down the road tonight? It is a saturday after all and I've heard it plays good music". Murdoc, who was never not up for going out and getting shit-faced, nodded furiously. "Of course Russ. Is that even a question mate?". Russel smiled. This kind of thing was a no-brainer for Murdoc.

2D on the other hand, was sometimes a bit more hesitant at the idea of going out these days. Russel had pondered about whether 2D wasn't feeling too happy in general recently, so he made an extra effort to reach out to his fellow band member. "D? How about you?". Russel asked. 2D was unsure, and wringed his hands hesitantly. "I dunno, I don't think I'm up for that tonight".

Russel thought about going out, just him and Murdoc. He imagined himself hauling the drunken Murdoc home, dealing with Murdocs occasional drunken emotional breakdowns, having to pay the entire fine because Murdoc vomited in the taxi. Russel pushed the thought out of his head violently.

"Aw come on D. It'll be fun". He said as he gently punched the singer in the shoulder. "You haven't been out in months, you barely even leave your room!" 2D looked away. "Yeah.. But.." 2D said in an apologetic tone. He was trying to think of a reason to justify not going but he honestly couldn't conjure one. He just didn't want to. He wasn't really in the mood for socialising. He found that he never really was these days. Also Murdoc was usually a terror on nights out. He thought about the time Murdoc came home after going to the pub alone, and had vomited in the kitchen sink. 2D shuddered at remembering the stench that engulfed the kitchen the day after. 2D looked surprised as Murdoc's scruffy voice interrupted his train of thought.

"It'll be boring if it's just me and Russ. May as well go on my own". Murdoc's eyes flitted side to side as he processed what he just said. He lifted his hand to his face in a whispering gesture as he looked to Russel. "No offence mate". Russel had completely taken offence, and raised an eyebrow at the older man. This only fed his desperation for 2D to join them. "You're not gonna leave me with this bone-head, are you D?". 2D smiled at the comical pair, and he shook his head. "Ah alright you two. But i'm not getting smashed or anything." 2D finally answered.

Murdoc grinned at the singer. "Brilliant. It's gonna be wild. When we hit the town, no one will know what's coming. Also think of all the birds I can pull with my two band members by my side, seeing as we are famous now, eh?". Russel smiled and lifted an arm to look at his watch. "It's already 8pm. We better start getting ready".


	8. Chapter 8

2D opened the door to his room and fell face first into his unmade bed. He let out a deep exhale, brought his hands underneath his chin and balanced his head on them. He stared at the posters on his wall with a wide eyed expression. This kind of day was a rarity. The whole gang seemed to be getting along, and even more peculiar was the fact that Murdoc was being..nice. I mean, it was Murdocs version of nice, which was relenting a little with the endless barrage of insults and actually showing a bit of humanity despite his lizard-like appearance.

2D smiled at the thought of Murdoc being so proud of the food he made. It was almost.. cute. Now _that_ was something new. He shook the thought of Murdoc being anything close to cute out of his head with a puzzled expression. His brows furrowed. What had gotten into him? 2D was almost crying at the thought of Murdoc and his abusive ways earlier. Now he was finding the old slimy goth 'cute'. He took a moment to try and process these feelings, but he couldn't. It was too confusing to try and rifle through the depths of his mind and find where that spark of a thought sprang from. He put his emotional ups and downs to blame and decided to get up and start choosing what to wear tonight.

He plodded to his wardrobe and pulled out a pair of black skinny jeans and a pale blue T-shirt. As he did so, he thought about how he used to be so into parties and going out, and suddenly that had all changed as of late.

He remembers how he used to frequent a certain bar near his house when he was younger. He would spend every other night there, just drinking himself to the ground. One night, he was there until closing time. He remembers how he was sprawled across the bar, head down on the wooden beer-sodden surface in his drunken stupor. A bottle in one hand and an unlit cigarette in the other. The memory was hazy, because it is the drunkest 2D has ever been. However he remembers the barman saying something about how they had to close up, and 2D, who was trying despite his drunkenness to light his cigarette, became agitated. "Lemme just light my cigarette first mate" he said, frustration burning through his slurred words.

He doesn't remember much after that, due to a black out, but remembers shards of the events that occurred. He became angry, very angry. He never was that emotional as a drunk, but on that particular day he had overdone it. He remembers hands around his waist and a heavy arm hoisting him up. His whole body feeling heavy, his eyes barely opening. Then nothing. Then the hard pavement coming into contact with the side of his face. He doesn't remember how he got home that night, but he hadn't even made it into his house. He woke up slumped over the porch, his keys lying in his open palm.

He remembers how he could smell vomit on his body, and as he felt the beginnings of a pounding headache, one emotion took over his mind. He felt ashamed. Ashamed of what he had become. In his dark room, 2D cringes at this memory, he lost his way during his teenage years. He smoked, he slept around, and my god did he drink. His parents never really had a strong grip on him. They were decent people, but almost too forgiving. I mean, his mother was so concerned about 2D's incessant migraines after his tree accident, that she provided him with pack after pack of paracetamol, making motherly love an ironic contributing factor to his painkiller dependancy. He still pops pills now, and he concluded reluctantly that they certainly weren't doing his mood any favours.

A booming sound took hold of his room, and 2D turned to the sound. He observed the thickening storm clouds out of the window. Thunder. 2D hurried to the window to close it before it began to rain, and then positioned himself in front of the mirror and ran his hands slowly through his unruly hair, as the first rain drops pattered against the window pane. He closed his eyes to the sound, and found himself truly relaxing for a few moments.

This feeling was short lived however, as he suddenly heard a knock at the door. "Hey man". It was Russel. "You have 10 minutes". "Alright, nearly ready Russ" 2D answered, trying his best to hide his sombre mood in his voice.


	9. Chapter 9

Murdoc burst into his room. He had gone a fair amount of time without alcohol in his system and he was starting to get the shudders. He grabbed a half empty bottle of whiskey from his bed side table and took a long swig. Breathing out heavily as he took the bottle from his lips. May as well start the drinking early, seeing as he was going to be at the club soon.

Murdoc slowly walked towards the mirror, bottle in hand, and gazed at himself. He was getting old now, and he knew his eye bags were worsening by the year. He brought his other hand to the skin below his eyes and felt the way they sagged. His eyes drifted downwards and he felt a twinge of self- consciousnesses as he noticed a slowly forming beer belly.

Fuck it, he thought. Fuck feeling too old. Too old for what? Too old for pulling girls? Yeah, you know what maybe he was. But that didn't mean he would give up trying (and succeeding) in bringing numerous birds home every time he hit the town. That benefit was a major reason Murdoc sold his soul to the devil in order for Gorillaz to become famous in the first place.

Murdoc clumsily placed the now empty glass bottle on the side, the cheetah print knickers that lay draped over his alarm clock catching his eye as he did so. A devious smile crept on his face as he remembered how they got there. He had been out at the pub, alone. Drunk as fuck, as per. If the other band members weren't up for going out, which they often weren't, Murdoc had no reservations about heading out alone.

He had had a decent time, drank until he couldn't walk in a straight line, played darts, made a few (questionable looking) friends, and danced like a maniac. He chuckled a little at the memory of his awful dancing that night.

Anyway, he began to feel a bit sick due to how much he had drank throughout the night, so he decided to head home from the pub a bit earlier than usual. As he exited the doorway, gaggles of girls organising how they would get home lined the streets opposite the pub. He ruffled his hair and fixed his shirt in an effort to look sober and presentable, as he decided he would approach one.

All of this effort came to nothing however, as he approached a girl and put his heavy arm around her, locked eyes with hers, chucking her under the chin in drunken flirtatiousness. She doubled back a little at first at the unwarranted contact. But when the girl saw a raven-black haired man, with deep black eyes, wearing a dark grey T-shirt and black jeans, adorned with an inverted cross pendant staring back longingly at her, she couldn't resist flirting back. "Where do you think your going girly?" Murdoc said in a gruff voice. He smiled at her, his eyes just peaking out from below his fringe, making unrelenting eye contact with hers.

The girl gave a knowing smile at the man. She knew she would be heading home with him in an instant, but she thought she might play a bit of hard to get, make him work. "Well.." She gestures to her friends. "We were just gonna get a taxi home". She brought an arm towards Murdoc's chest, and rested it there to reciprocate his touch. Murdoc's drunken mind was set alight at the sight of her hand on his chest, and he leaned in to whisper in the girls ear. A killer move. "Come back to mine". He said in a hushed tone, so her friends couldn't hear. She giggled, said bye to her friends, and let the man lead her down the street to his house.

Murdoc doesn't remember much else about that night, as the alcohol hit his brain again during the walk home. However, what he does know is he vomited in the kitchen sink when he got in the house. Much to the annoyance of his fellow band members. He also knows that he has no regrets about that night. He didn't apologise about the vomiting thing, he never even bothered to broach the subject. He actually found it all quite funny. Murdoc smiled, and began brushing his hair in the mirror.

Upon then hearing Russel tell 2D that he had 10 minutes from outside his room, Murdoc started to hurry. He sprayed a decent amount of hairspray on his hair to keep his fringe set, and pulled on the black jeans and black poler neck shirt that lay on the back of the chair. He left his room and headed downstairs, deciding to wait for Russel and 2D at the front door. He leaned by the door with his leg tucked, and brought out his phone. As he did so, he saw Russel heading towards him.

"Taxi is 2 minutes away" Russel said, staring at the taxi app on his phone. "Cool. Wheres Dents?" Murdoc asked. "He was right behind me a second ago" Russel answered, as he looked behind him. As if right on cue, 2D came in. Murdoc looked up at 2D, as the singer walked towards him and Russel, giving the kid a once over. Murdoc liked when 2D wore the light blue T-shirt he had chosen, it complemented his pale skin and his bedraggled electric blue hair. Really emphasised the pretty boy look. He would never dare complement the dullard though.

"Alright D?" Russel asked. "Got everything?". "Yeah" 2D answered, somewhat quietly. 2D looked at Murdoc, smiled awkwardly and then broke his gaze. Murdoc remained staring at the kid with a straight face. Why was 2D acting so shifty lately? I mean, Murdoc knew the face-ache was weird, but his behaviour recently was not like his usual weirdness at all, like it had been turned up a notch. Murdoc raised a judging eyebrow at 2D as the singer remained staring at the floor.


	10. Chapter 10

  
"Okay the Taxi is outside" Russel said as he gestured towards the door. He had noticed how Murdoc and 2D weren't really speaking to each other, but he reasoned that a frosty relationship between the two wasn't exactly something new.

Murdoc led the way outside, jumping into the back of the taxi and shuffling over into the middle seat. Russel forcefully appeared at Murdoc's right to sit down, pushing Murdoc slightly with his large body and closing the car door loudly. 2D folded his tall body in order to get into the car and sat at Murdoc's left, shoving the smaller Murdoc again by accident. Murdoc eyed the two. "Why the _fuck_ have you both sat in the back. There's a seat right there you know". The bassist angrily pointed at the front seat adjacent to the driver. "You both are fucking giants, i'm squished". Murdoc had no room to move as he was sat contorted, squashed between the two larger men.

"Oh.. I thought D would get in the front" Russel said apologetically as he looked at the pathetically squashed old man. "Sorry Murdoc, I'll go and take the front seat". As Russel was about to do so, the taxi began to accelerate. "Oh for gods sake.." Murdoc said in exasperation at how he would have to endure the torment of being so close to the other band members, all the way to the club. Why does he surround himself with such idiots, he thought to himself.

2D's gangly legs were touching Murdoc's, and as 2D thought more about the situation, he nearly began to chuckle. However he decided that laughing would only anger the old man further, so he leaned over to the window and gazed out of it at the torrential rain hammering the pane, at the club-goers running through the streets in their high heels, holding their purses above their heads in an effort to avoid getting wet.

"Whack some music on". Murdoc commanded the taxi driver. "Loud." He needed something to distract himself from the irritating fact that they were so close, he could feel the rise and fall of Russel and 2D's breathing. The taxi driver obliged and turned the radio on, albeit with a look of dismay at the arrogance of the small green man in the backseat.

The first flourishes of 'Lets get it on' by Marvin Gaye began to play. The taxi driver decided that it was a perfect song to leave on for the men in the back, and so placed his hand back on the steering wheel. Russel smiled at the music. "A classic" he whispered, as he began to click his fingers to the slowly undulating rhythm. Murdoc buried his face in his hands and growled loudly. This music certainly wasn't going to set the mood for a wild night of clubbing.

As the dulcet tones of the record were let loose from the taxi radio, 2D felt his heart begin to race. The song was cringey, he knew that. But he knew he had heard it recently. He had memories tied to this song, that he hadn't allowed himself to access. He started to become shifty as he sat with Murdoc practically leaning on him, as he found himself becoming hyper aware of the lack of space between them and the connotations the song brought with it.

"Turn this the fuck over" Murdoc blurted. The taxi driver was quick to fumble with the buttons on the radio and switch the music, at the request of the now angry looking old man. Some club music with a vibrating bass and a fast beat suddenly filled the car, and 2D let out a deep exhale. Russel looked puzzled at the bassists quick reaction to the prior music. "What's so bad about a little Marvin Gaye, ey Murdoc?". Russel smiled teasingly. Murdoc was quick to retort. "Nothing. Just not on the way to the club while i'm squished between two dullards. There's a time and a place for that song, and it's not now". Murdoc answered, a twinge of anger in his voice. Russel laughed loudly in reply at how serious Murdoc was on the matter.

Suddenly the men couldn't feel the rumble of the taxis engine underneath them any longer. They looked out of the window to see the club outside, with long queues of people stringing from it and streams of coloured lights flashing in every direction.

They felt the vibration of the booming music that was held inside the building and adrenaline started pumping through their veins. Murdoc licked his lips as he gazed at all the scantily clad ladies in the line, sheltering themselves from the rain. A devilish smile crept on the man's face as he thought of which one he would be taking home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will probably be later today. Very excited to write the rest of this fic.


	11. Chapter 11

Russel payed the taxi driver, and they all got out of the taxi. Murdoc, after stumbling out last, ruffled his hair and adjusted his trousers after the uncomfortable ride. His anger at how squashed he had been began to dissipate as he almost instinctively began eyeing up the girls waiting in line. He was ready to pounce. Question was, which lucky girl would it be tonight? His black eyes flitted from girl to girl in lust-fuelled observance.

They started walking towards the entrance of the club, skipping the queue. They were famous now and were sure the bouncer would let them in without hassle. Russel, who was holding his arms crossed above his head in an effort to shelter himself (fairly unsuccessfully) from the rain, saw Murdoc's staring. The drummer rolled his eyes. He'd seen it all before. Murdoc starts to try and pull a girl and completely forgets about who he went out with in the first place, doing one of his classic disappearing acts. The man's got tunnel vision, and tonight, Russel wasn't having it.

"Hey man, just wait until we get in the club before you start trying to chat one up. D and I don't want to be waiting around for you to talk to a girl when it's raining like this". 2D nodded in agreement. To be honest, the singer was already regretting coming out. He had been really quiet on the journey to the club because he didn't seem to have the energy for talking today. Socialising felt like a lot of effort when his mood was as low as it was.

He knew he should have been firm and said no when Russel asked him to join them, because now he just felt like a spare part. Murdoc's erratic behaviour was exhibiting every sign that tonight was going to be a drag and he honestly couldn't be bothered with it. He imagined himself sat up in his bed, enveloped in the sheets, playing songs on his melodica with the rain gently pattering against the window. That's where 2D wanted to be. Not getting soaking wet as he walks towards the entrance of a dingy club. Not accompanied by some pervert eyeing up every girl he sees. Not _here_. 2D's thoughts were interrupted by a sigh of exasperation from Russel.

"That bone-head has ran off. Already". 2D turned his head to look at where Murdoc had gone. They were within metres of the club entrance, and Murdoc had scurried over to a group of dodgy looking girls who were waiting in line. 2D and Russel watched in frustration as the bassist put his arm around a particular girl and began heavily flirting with her. She seemed reluctant. Russel picked up on her apparent discomfort and started to march over to them. "I'll go pull him away from her" he said, sighing the words out. 2D, who wasn't one for confrontation, decided to follow meekly behind the drummer.

As they grew nearer, they began to hear Murdoc and the girl's exchange. "I can get you in the club early, my dear. No need to wait in this dreadful queue getting rained on. Sounds like a dream doesn't it? Come with me". Murdoc's words got more low and gruff as he leaned into her. She doubled back, pulling the man's arm off of her shoulder forcefully. "No Murdoc. I want to stay with my friends this time. You pulled me away from them before and i'm not letting you do it again". Oh, Russel realised. So they have a history.

Murdoc wasn't deterred, as he brought a hand to caress her face. "But darling, we had a great night though, you have to agree". The girl's face contorted in confusion at what he was saying. "You know, when we.." He let his words trail off as he made a suggestive gesture. "When we.. You know". He smiled at her dryly. She practically burst with outrage at what the man was insinuating. "What?" She practically barked. "You think I did _that_ with you?! Ha!". Murdoc looked puzzled, but he kept trying.

"Girly, you don't have to deny it. We're all friends here". He gestured to the group of people surrounding them, who were quietly observing the exchange. She laughed at the pathetic, sopping wet man standing before her. "Murdoc we did _nothing_ that night. I don't know what you are trying to get at, or what you remember, but I left as soon as you threw up in the sink. It was disgusting and so are you. Now leave me alone, you tosser".

She shoved Murdoc away from her by the shoulders and turned her back on him, rejoining her friends. Murdoc reeled from the force of her pushing him and then slowly regained his composure, beginning to dust himself off. He was more confused than angry as he walked away from the group, and headed towards the club entrance.

It felt like time stood still as his mind raced. His thoughts becoming one big blur of pure nonsensical white noise. He tried his best to reclaim the memories that his drunken mind had forgotten that fateful night. Murdoc's thoughts took over as he blocked everything else out, and he hardly even noticed as 2D and Russel appeared at either side of him.

So if nothing happened that night, who did the cheetah print knickers belong to? Murdoc asked himself. They certainly weren't his, because if he was honest, he had better taste in pants. So who on earth did they belong to, and how did they end up draped over his sodding alarm clock?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be tomorrow.


	12. Chapter 12

2D was practically shaking with pent up anticipation. He didn't know why his body was reacting this way, but it was. The confusion he felt as his body started to betray him only seemed to make it worse. It made his heart begin to race and he started sweating. His head began to pound and his face contorted from the stinging pain. Was this how it felt to have a panic attack? Whatever it was, it was all-consuming, and frightening.

As he walked towards the club entrance, he brought both hands to his head and rested them there. Trying to bear the pain as best he could, trying to tough out the sensation that his body was going to fail him. He brought his hands to his face, running them along it in exasperation. He felt the world squeezing at him, like it was all going to collapse. Like the sky would fall inwards. Like the rain would drown him. He hated this feeling, because he couldn't make sense of his thoughts. Did he need a cigarette? A fix of paracetamol? 2D decided on the latter and placed a shaky hand into his jean pocket where a few tablets were residing. He never left the house without them. He placed a few in his mouth and dry swallowed them. My god, he thought. His mouth was so dry.

All 2D wanted was this feeling, these reactions, this _guilt_ , to end. He burrowed into his mixed up mind for a moment and thought back to what just happened. While he had watched the heated exchange between Murdoc and that girl..2D had remembered. He remembered exactly what happened that night. It had hit him like a truck and he couldn't handle the weight of the memory. No wonder he had stuffed it so far down, into the black forgotten recesses of his mind.

But the music. The _music_. 'Lets get it on' by sodding Marvin Gaye. That is what had got the ball rolling in 2D's mind, the memory had slowly began bubbling up to the surface from that small moment in the taxi here. And now, after hearing what he just heard, the pieces all seemed to coalesce. 2D felt like he was going to burst. He didn't pay attention as Russel talked to the bouncer. His scattered thoughts were the only noise he could hear.

As they entered the club, he gazed down at Murdoc, who was walking in the middle, between him and Russel. Something was wrong. Murdoc was being quiet for once..almost too quiet. Did he really not know? Was he pretending not to remember? The questions drilled holes into 2D's mind.

2D stole looks at the man's black shining hair, now dripping from the rain, that formed a curtain around his mysterious dark eyes. As Murdoc observed his surroundings, every now and again answering Russel's stabs at conversation with monosyllabic answers, 2D's eyes drifted downwards and he gazed at how Murdoc's shirt, which was dripping wet, hugged the man's body and put his figure on display.

Before his gaze explored any further, 2D stopped himself and he pulled his eyes away from the other man. This can't go on. He can't keep feeling like this, like his whole mind was tainted by a thick, white fog of confusion that never showed any sign of clearing. He had to _do_ something.

 

He had to tell him.

  
As they entered the club, the men took in the view. A bar was to their right. It was practically buzzing with people waiting to order their drinks, shouting, flirting and mingling. The dance floor was to their left, and this early on in the night, not many people were on it, only the extremely drunk. However, the booming music thundering from the speakers was an assault to the men's (very sober) ears.

Russel gestured to the bar. "I'm going to get a drink, wanna come with?" He asked the two men. Russel had noticed how their behaviour had been extremely strange after Murdoc's altercation with the girl outside and he reasoned that a bit of alcohol in all of their systems would loosen them up a bit. Start the night off properly.

Murdoc nodded furiously. "Mate, I am _desperate_ for a top up after that fucking nightmare". Russel, noticing how 2D hadn't reacted yet, turned to the singer and saw how he wasn't even paying attention. "Earth to 2D". Russel shouted loudly over the sound of the thundering club music. 2D had a hand to his head and seemed to be wincing a little. He flinched at Russel's words.

2D stared at the drummer, who now had a look of concern on his face. "You okay D? Does your head hurt again?". Russel was more than accustomed to how prone 2D was to headaches. "Yeah, it's hurting but I'll be alright Russ. It hurts practically all the time". 2D smiled weakly and Russel nodded, still concerned about his friend.

"You up for going to get a drink with Murdoc and I?". Russel asked as he pointed to the bar. Murdoc chimed in. "Maybe a bit of alcohol will help it, face-ache. Always helps mine". 2D knew this wouldn't be the case. Alcohol nearly always exacerbated the pain. However he didn't want to appear difficult and ruin the night before it had even started. 2D nodded, and they headed over to the bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be later today.


	13. Chapter 13

  
As they waited, huddled in the line for drinks at the bar, Murdoc initiated the conversation. "Happens to me all the time, that. Girls kind of.. hate me after one night with me". The man stared at the floor, starting to brush his cuban heels against its surface in a fidgety manner.

2D stared into Murdoc's eyes, paying close attention to every word. "But-". The man hesitantly began again. "I'm not ever phased by it. I actually _like_ it when they end up hating me. We had our night and that's it.. we can go our separate ways knowing that there are absolutely no strings attached". 2D knew the man was into casual flings, too often he had been woken up by the noises coming from Murdoc's room after the bassist had been out. He had noted the casual manner with which Murdoc treated his sexual partners, like it was all a game.

Russel probed Murdoc further. He had never seen Murdoc being so vulnerable. "So what makes this one so different?". Russel asked. Murdoc gave a knowing smile. "Nothing. I honestly couldn't give a damn about the girl and I'm glad she hates me. I'm glad we didn't even do anything". Murdoc brought his gaze upwards and fixed it on Russel. Russel reciprocated the eye contact with a puzzled look.

The intensity of the stare dissipated when a smile crept onto Murdoc's face, which then evolved into a laugh. The man doubled over as he began to laugh loudly, resting an arm on Russel's shoulder as he did so. Russel laughed shakily, more out of confusion than anything else. 2D's face remained straight. He was too nervous to laugh. "What is it?" Russel hastily asked Murdoc as the man vibrated with laughter. Murdoc straightened and began to speak again in a hushed tone, eyes flitting consciously to the people surrounding him, then resting on Russel's puzzled face.

He leaned into the drummer. "I have these knickers in my room, right?" Murdoc grinned as he said this, like it was the beginning of a joke. "And I have absolutely _no_ idea who they belong to. Nothing. Zilch. Nada. They just appeared there the night I met that sodding girl, and i'm stuck here wondering..who in god's name do they belong to?". The bassist laughed again, heartily. Russel laughed along with him, genuinely this time.

It was all too much. 2D wanted the ground to swallow him up, there and then. He couldn't deal with this any longer. As the two men laughed, all he heard was white noise. _Tell him. Tell him. Tell him._ He couldn't do it now, not here. Not in public. He looked around him and noticed a men's toilet in the corner of the room. That will do, he thought. It's now or fucking never.

2D barely noticed as the two men had stopped laughing and were staring at 2D with concerned expressions. "Face-ache, i'm not gonna lie. You seem really out of it recently. Are you sure you are alright? You can go home if you really aren't". Murdoc asked the singer. 2D decided that being lost in his thoughts like this wasn't going to help the situation. He needed to do something, and quickly. He grabbed Murdoc by the arm.

"Come with me to the toilet". 2D breathed out the words. "Please Murdoc". Murdoc raised an eyebrow at the singer. "You..want me to come to the toilet with you?" Murdoc began to snort with laughter, looking at Russel for his reaction to the strange request.

"Yes. Now". 2D retorted, pure urgency in his voice. The seriousness with which 2D had said this made Murdoc consider it. "Alright dullard, but you have to know that this is the weirdest thing a mate has ever asked me". Murdoc looked down at 2D's arm, which had a vice grip around his own, and then looked at Russel with a snarky expression across his face. "The kid probably needs me to wipe for him or something". Murdoc said, subsequently chuckling at his own remark. 2D pulled harder at Murdoc's arm and Murdoc reeled. "Alright, alright. No need to pull me. I'll come with you".

Russel watched as 2D practically dragged the smaller Murdoc through the crowd, towards the toilets. As if this night couldn't get any weirder, he thought, as he resumed waiting patiently to get to the front of the queue for the bar.

2D skipped the line to the toilets, much to the annoyance of the men waiting in line. He couldn't care less about upsetting people at this point. He just needed to do this. He pulled the stumbling Murdoc into a single cubicle with him, and locked the door.

The two men were no more than an inch apart, as 2D looked down at Murdoc, and Murdoc looked up in confusion at 2D. 2D saw that Murdoc was about to start yelling, the man's face contorting with anger. The singer brought a finger to the other man's lips to shush him abruptly. Murdoc's eyes widened and locked with 2D's as he gazed up in shock at the gesture. 2D breathed out deeply, and began. "Murdoc, I have something I need to tell you about. I can't keep it all a secret any longer".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nearly 10,000 words. Wow. Dont know how this has happened but i've been enjoying every second of writing this. Next update will be tommorow. UPDATE. I said the next update will be tomorrow and i've been trying to write. I've actually written a lot today. However I don't feel like it is good enough yet. Because this fic is nearing it's end I want to get this right. Therefore there will be no new chapter today. I need a bit more time!


	14. Chapter 14

2D took in the moment. Murdoc's raven black eyes were fixed on his and as they stood opposite each other, crammed into the dingy toilet cubicle, the muffled sound of the music coming from the dance floor and the shouting and drunken chatter from the people outside faded to inaudible nothingness.

The only sound that met his ears was the intimate sound of the two men breathing. It was almost overwhelming. He slowly withdrew his finger from Murdoc's lips and rested his hand at his side. Murdoc was silent, albeit for the look of pure confusion on his face, 2D noted that this was the only moment he had ever felt truly at ease with the bassist. It was almost like he didn't have to speak, like they were just in this moment together, feeding on each other's energies, gazing into one another's eyes.

However 2D knew he had to say something, he just didn't know where to begin. He was fully aware that he was stalling; He could feel all of the words that were bottled up inside of him, storming in the pits of his very being, but he couldn't quite conjure them into sentences. He was debilitatingly aware that revealing what he was about to reveal would change everything, and his mind just couldn't quite comprehend it. So he stood there hesitantly before the other man, drowning in his own thoughts.

Murdoc, having known 2D for so long, knew he was prone to excessive introspection. Often to the point where the singer appeared to be completely unable to speak a word. Fighting back his confusion, Murdoc broke the silence between the two men with his low, gruff voice. "Tell me, 2D". He breathed. The man's anger had been replaced by pure bewilderment at the situation. He needed 2D to speak. 2D took a few more moments to collect his scattered thoughts, then began.

"That night. Not too long ago. The night where you met the girl we just saw in the line.." 2D's words trailed off in hesitation, but at least he had mustered up the courage to speak. He looked to the other man for confirmation and Murdoc nodded in responce.

"Yeah, what about it?". The bassist answered inquisitively. 2D noticed how Murdoc's blunt reply and quizzical facial expression conveyed nothing but pure innocence. Murdoc was utterly unaware of what 2D was about to divulge with him. His heart began to race uncontrollably as 2D made a sudden realisation; maybe Murdoc really couldn't remember. 2D knew from that moment that this was going to be so much harder to say, given that the man before him was so clueless. So _confused_.

"That underwear-" 2D hesitated, his voice shaky and unsure. Murdoc's eye contact was unrelenting, and 2D needed to regain his composure. He closed his eyes for a moment, took a sharp breath in, then opened them and began again. Returning to Murdoc's gaze. "It belongs to _me_ , Murdoc".

2D could picture that night in his mind's eye so clearly now. After the music, after Murdoc's altercation with that girl outside the club, after he had made sense of the way he had been feeling as of late..he had pieced the whole sequence of events together in his head.

2D had been writhing in bed for hours upon hours, completely unable to sleep. This was an unfortunate but regular occurrence for the singer. His nights were too often restless, despite the lengths he would go to to create the perfect conditions for sleep. He would diligently close the curtains, turn off all of the lights so his room was encased in the pitch dark, place his phone on his bed side table so it was just out of reach.. but somehow his body would simply fail to slip into slumber.

However, on this particular night, it was worse than usual. He was sweating and uncomfortable when he finally gave up trying to force his body to rest. He rose from his bed, sat up and peered through half-open eyes at his dimly illuminated alarm clock. 2D sighed at how early it was, ran his hands through his hair and then began rubbing his itching, tired eyes.

The singer knew then that only his sleeping tablets could provide relief to the seemingly unending torment that his insomnia was causing him, so he began reaching for his sleeping pills, encased in the darkness of his quiet room. 2D remembered it clearly, because that was when he heard the front door slam.

2D halted and listened to the familiar sound of Murdoc and what sounded like a girl he had met, chatting and laughing in drunken giddiness. Because this was a regular occurrence after one of Murdoc's rambunctious nights out, the singer had thought nothing of it, and he continued to fumble blindly on his bed-side table, feeling for the familiar small cardboard box in which his sleeping pills resided.

It seemed that Murdoc and the girl had been talking for a while in the kitchen, at least for long enough that the sound of their obnoxiously loud chatter had become nothing but background noise to the singer, as he started to pop the pills from their casing and prepare his dose drowsily.

2D was about to place one in his mouth when suddenly he heard loud retching sounds coming from downstairs, tearing through the silence. It was clearly Murdoc. The man always seemed to drink to excess, until his body simply couldn't handle it anymore. The bassist's alcoholic tendencies had worried 2D in the past, but he had never dared say anything to the other man.

Not long after that, 2D heard the front door slam loudly. It was slammed with such force that the floor of his room shook a little at the impact, seeing as the singer's room was in the unfortunate position of being directly above the kitchen. 2D payed close attention, as the kitchen became suddenly devoid of chatter.

Maybe that was the girl leaving? What happened that caused her to go in such a hurry? He couldn't help but question the unusual event, despite not knowing why he was so concerned about anything that happened in the slimy bassist's life in the first place.

The singer then flinched back in shock as the brash sound of crashing pots and pans and smashing glass assaulted his ears.

2D's once drowsy insomniac mind was now made entirely alert, meaning that gone were any hopes of him getting any sleep that night. However, as the singer listened in at what was happening in the kitchen, he forgot to care about his lack of sleep.

He couldn't quite believe what he was feeling, but he was worried. Worried for _Murdoc_ , of all people. The very same Murdoc that had brought nothing but misery to 2D's life thus far. 2D put his confused thoughts aside as he minimised his movements so he could listen in complete silence, his curiosity peaking.

Not long after the crashing sound, he heard a heavy thud. His sleep deprived mind was set alight as it had sounded a lot like the drunken Murdoc had collapsed onto the kitchen floor.

2D needed to act, and fast. He knew that no one else would step in, as Noodle and Russel would have been fast asleep this early in the morning, sleeping soundly in blissful unawareness, cocooned in their bed sheets. The singer knew he had to help Murdoc.

Despite every other part of his very being telling him otherwise, the singer willed himself to get out of bed, and swiftly headed downstairs. His bare feet treading lightly so not to wake his fellow sleeping band members.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New update will be later today. UPDATE next chapter tomorrow cos i'm tired and it's too hot to function in the uk rn


	15. Chapter 15

2D remembered how he had hesitated at the door handle to the kitchen. He leaned against the kitchen door, placing an ear to its surface in order to listen in. Because this was Murdoc, he knew that doing this would probably have repercussions, regardless of the fact that 2D was planning to help the sodding man. 2D just needed a sign. A cough, a sneeze, the sound of movement…just anything so he knew that Murdoc was alright; So he didn’t have to do this.

However in this type of situation, 2D thought, silence is the worst sound one can hear. When 2D’s efforts to listen in at the door still came to nothing, his movements became automatic, as his body began to betray his hesitant mind. He placed a shaky hand on the door knob and pushed it open. The door creaked slightly as it swung ajar, and 2D’s tired gaze fell onto the mess he saw before him.

2D let out a small gasp, as he saw the unconscious Murdoc, sprawled across the kitchen floor. It was a pathetically dramatic sight, as the man was surrounded by a few pots and pans, and scattered shards of broken glass. 2D made a quick assumption that while Murdoc had been falling, he had knocked them off of the kitchen counter in a drunken attempt to keep his balance. The singer’s nose flickered as the pungent smell of vomit assaulted his senses, and his eyes flitted to the source. It seemed to be coming from the kitchen sink. 2D knew he had to approach the man and see if he was okay, however because he feared Murdoc, the singer thought he would make sure the man had absolutely no signs of consciousness before he made his approach.

Between his quick, tense breaths, 2D managed to speak. His small voice broke the silence, echoing slightly against the tiled kitchen walls. “Murdoc?”. He waited a few moments for the bassist to reply, or do anything for that matter, in response to the sound of his shaky voice. No answer. 2D’s mind raced as he started planning what he was going to do. He reasoned that Murdoc was undeniably an alcoholic, and although this kind of situation would be worrying if it was virtually anyone else, 2D assumed that for the bassist who drank every day of the week, that this wasn’t the most infrequent of occurrences. He just had to get the man to bed and sobered up. 2D cringed at the realisation that he would have to carry Murdoc to his room. Now _that_ would be tricky, considering that if Murdoc gained awareness while he was being carried by the singer, 2D knew that the bassist would be angered beyond belief.

He tried to bargain with himself. Maybe Murdoc deserved to be left there, lying on the cold kitchen floor. After all he had put 2D through, after all the tears that 2D had shed alone in his room because of the insults, the name-calling, the _belittling.._ Maybe this could finally be 2D’s payback. 2D knew that Murdoc would never know that he could have helped him when he was unconscious like this, but the singer reasoned that watching the events of tomorrow unfold, as Murdoc suffers with the mother of all hangovers, will be satisfaction enough. He imagined himself laughing as Murdoc tries to fumble with the strings on his bass, wincing at each sound he makes, trying to play despite a pounding headache during band practice. Maybe, 2D thought, Murdoc wouldn’t leave his room at all. Now _that_ would be bliss for the singer, knowing that the next day would be relaxingly Murdoc-free.

 

This could be 2D’s revenge.

 

2D had stopped himself at that point. This wasn’t like him. It just wasn’t in his nature to want to see people suffer, despite what they had done to him. He knew he certainly wasn’t an angel, but he also wasn’t whatever had just taken over his mind. He unwillingly realised that his prior thoughts would probably most resemble the black, senseless thoughts that would be more likely to emanate from the recesses of a mind a lot like Murdoc’s. A mind tainted by a questionable childhood, years of self-destructive behaviours and shallow money-grabbing tendencies. He couldn’t just leave the bassist there, because 2D wasn’t like the older man lying before him.

This was the spark of a thought that had finally allowed him to move towards the bassist, hoist him up from the floor, placing the older man’s arm around his own shoulder, and begin carrying Murdoc upstairs. 2D grunted a little at the shocking weight of the unconscious man leaning on him. Despite Murdoc being nearly a whole foot smaller than the singer, he was certainly heavier. After slowly making their way up the stairs, 2D hauled Murdoc down the dark halls of Kong studios. He looked down and noticed that rather comedically, Murdoc’s cuban heels were leaving trails as they dragged across the deep purple carpet.

2D opened Murdoc’s room, making an effort to be as quiet as possible. He maneuvered the older man so the singer was holding Murdoc before him in his arms. He then moved towards Murdoc’s dingy unmade bed and slowly lowered the bassist into it.

2D let out a deep exhale at having accomplished what he just did. However, an itching question still grated at his mind: why did he do it? 2D knew that it was most likely that Murdoc wouldn’t mention it the next day. Murdoc wouldn’t thank him, wouldn’t tell him how much he appreciated what 2D had done…The singer doubted that the bassist would even acknowledge him. He tried to put his swirling thoughts to rest as he made his way to the door of Murdoc’s room. As he reached for the door handle, 2D suddenly became aware of how _tired_ he was. It had hit him like a brick wall, and all he wanted in that moment was the comforting embrace of his own bed. However in the last seconds before he went to quietly open the door and leave, the sound of a familiar voice met his ears. “Leaving so soon, face-ache?”.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will probably be later today if I have time. If not then definitely tomorrow. Check my tumblr cos I usually update on there.


	16. Chapter 16

2D felt his stomach drop in panic at the sound of the older man's voice and he reacted quickly, instantly turning his head to face Murdoc's bed. Because the room was encased in near darkness, only the light of early dawn that entered the room through slits in Murdoc's near-closed curtains provided visibility. 2D strained his eyes in order to see, squinting slightly at where he had last placed the bassist in pure terror. In his panicked state, 2D had failed to notice how his hand had involuntarily gripped the door knob so tightly that his knuckles flashed white. He was ready in an instant; Ready at any given moment to fling open the door and run for the hills. 2D knew that Murdoc would most likely be furious with him, but the singer was adamant that he wasn't being beaten up. Not tonight. His racing mind had planned within an insant to run as far as his legs would allow him to.

  
When 2D was finally able to focus his vision on the bassist, he couldn't quite comprehend what he was seeing. Murdoc was sat up in bed non-chalauntely, resting his head in his hand, his glazed-over stare fixed on 2D. It was almost like the bassist was mockingly juxtaposing 2D's state of pure panic with his peculiar relaxation on purpose.

A few tense moments ensued where neither of the men said a word. 2D was still holding onto the door knob like his life depended on it, fixed to the spot like a deer in the headlights. His eyes flitting rapidly across Murdoc's face as he searched for any hint of anger that would justify a hasty get-away. However the singer was finding the other man extremely hard to read, his face was still so _relaxed_ , like an emotional blank canvas that 2D's dangerously sleep deprived mind just couldn't obtain meaning from.

2D flinched back slightly when Murdoc finally broke the silence by loudly clearing his throat, every inch of him was expecting the other man to swiftly begin yelling in uncontrollable anger. The singer reflexively closed his eyes and doubled back slightly, bracing himself for the worst.

When he didn't hear the familiar sound of verbal abuse being hurled at him from all directions, the singer hesitantly opened an eye, and Murdoc began to speak. "Now, dear old friend of mine-" Murdoc started, his tone patronising and his words drunkenly slurring into one another. 2D noticed how his head lolled slightly as he lazily held it in his hand. "What the  _bloody hell_ are you doing in my room?". 

2D didn't quite know how to answer. He only saw one outcome to any attempt at replying, and it involved Murdoc's fist connecting with the singer's head. His mind attempted to hurriedly process why Murdoc at this point looked so unexpectedly relaxed about the whole thing. The side of his mind that had been trained by years of suffering at the wrong end of Murdoc's abusive ways leapt to the conclusion that the other man was seemingly calm, but would surely erupt at any minute. 2D listened to this irrational part of his consciousness as it informed him that he didn't have long until he would lose the chance to make a getaway, as Murdoc would soon proceed with beating him to a bruised and sorry pulp. This was nothing but the calm before the storm.

Despite this internal voice telling him to run growing louder and louder as each tense moment went by, reverberating within the confines of the singer's thoughts, 2D began to debate with himself. It was more than obvious that the man before him was still blindingly drunk. He observed how Murdoc couldn't keep himself still, swaying slowly from side to side with little sense of balance. He saw how the bassist's gaze was not quite focused or alert enough to pass for sobriety, his mind clearly still lazily trying to process the situation through the cloudy lens of pints and pints of alcohol. The singer had seen Murdoc drunk before, but never to this extent.

He reasoned that it was therefore extremely possible that the older man may not even remember this in the morning. 2D hastily concluded that if he told him the truth now, while Murdoc was in such a state, he may not necessarily be met with the reception he would be expecting if Murdoc was sober. Murdoc probably couldn't even walk in a straight line at this point, let alone angrily chase the singer down the winding hallways of Kong studios.

2D took a deep breathe in as he slowly released his hand from the door knob. He unpleasantly became aware of how moist with sweat he was due to the fear that had overcome him, as his hand unstuck itself from the door handles cold metallic surface. Realising that the man before him could not be a feasible threat in the state he was in, 2D slowly placed his hands at his side and defiantly faced the bassist, who returned his gaze with a look of pure drunken confusion. 2D had done a good thing for the other man and he was going to make it known, despite whether Murdoc would be able to recall it the next day or not.

"You were sick Murdoc, in the kitchen sink". 2D began, projecting his voice in adrenaline-fueled defiance. "You then passed out, so I carried you to your room. That's all. Nothing to get angry about". His words formed tense broken sentences as the singer consciously simplified the story to accommodate for the state Murdoc was in.

The bassist's mouth opened slightly, then closed again. Like he was about to say something but the words didn't quite transmit. 2D noticed that Murdoc was surprisingly speechless for once, and put it down to how heavily drunk he was. The singer exhaled as his pent up feelings of anticipation dissipated and he noted the silence between the two men as an awkward invitation to go. 2D quickly spoke up again, not waiting for Murdoc's responce. "Anyway Murdoc. It's late. I'm gonna leav-". 2D was interrupted as Murdoc found the words he had been previously looking for. The older man spoke sincerely despite his drunkenness, in a hushed but meaningful tone that took the singer aback.

"Thank you, 2D". The bassist said, as his mouth formed a small but truthful smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next update will be tomorrow.


	17. Chapter 17

Three words.

A 'thank you' is an easy phrase to underestimate. 2D had noticed in the past how people say it so frequently, it is so often drilled into obsolescence. Three simple, mundanely ordinary words. However they couldn't have meant more to him in that moment, as their sound escaped the other man's lips.

2D likes to think that he didn't make his shock at hearing Murdoc say this obvious, however at the time his thoughts were embarassingly written all over his face. He was overwhelmed by what he had just heard, and stared with wide eyes at the sight of Murdoc smiling so sincerely at him. 2D wasn't conscious of the fact that he had then tilted his head a little at the sight of the bassist's unusual gesture in a spark of curiosity, as he rapidly searched through his memories. He had to know why this moment felt so significant.

2D then made a quick realisation. In their years and years of knowing each other, 2D thought, has Murdoc ever said anything of the sort? His mind struggled to think back to a time that the older man before him had ever looked so sympathetic, so sincere, so _human_. Was this really the first time Murdoc had ever thanked the singer? The words were like an obstruction to the machinery of 2D's mind, and as they dissipated within the four walls of Murdoc's room, so did 2D's grip on his own thoughts.

Three simple words. Yet they hung there in the silent air between the two men, unassuming yet undeniably pivotal. At the apex of this train of thought, 2D embarassingly couldn't find words to reply with, as he found himself speechlessly overwhelmed.

 Murdoc's drunken voice tore through the silence. "Take a picture mate. It'll last longer". The bassist remarked snarkily. 2D blinked his eyes, rapidly transported back to reality. It was at that moment that the bassist's behaviour returned to resembling himself as the younger man had previously known him. 2D watched as Murdoc then quickly proceeded to lean to the right side of his bed and fumble on his bed side table heavy-handedly. Searching despite the darkness, waiting for the tips of his fingers to connect with the cold glass of a whiskey bottle. The drunk man sighed in exasperation when his efforts came to nothing, emitting a low mumble in his gruff voice. "Where's the whiskey when you fucking need it". His hands still checking every inch of the tables dusty surface in alcohol-fuelled vigour.

2D sighed at how Murdoc's default was so interconnected with his alcoholic tendencies. The man was already blindingly drunk, he couldn't allow him to drink any further and risk the possibility of the bassist passing out yet again. He stuffed his heightened emotions down and quickly spoke up. "Murdoc, you don't need any whiskey. You're off your head already". If anything, 2D realised, the man needed some water to sober him up.

Murdoc glanced up at 2D, his beady eyes just peaking out below his unruly mop of jet black hair. He was clearly displeased with the sudden role reversal of being told what to do by the younger man and was making it known. Murdoc began to fumble his way through a retort. "Are you talking to me, dullard?". He placed a hand on his chest in a gesture towards himself, feigning an innocent stance, hiccuped drunkenly and then continued. "I am many things Dents..". Murdoc let his words trail off for a moment, wagging his finger in the air at the singer, trying despite his slowed mind to continue where he left off. He then found his footing and suddenly spoke up again. "..But I am _definitely_ not drunk".

2D was so taken aback that the man before him could make such a claim when only minutes ago he was flat out unconscious, a smile formed on his lips. Murdoc's face contorted in confusion as he noticed the singer's reaction. "What?" He barked. 2D's smile quickly evolved into a laugh at how ironically unaware the man before him was. He doubled over slightly in his laughter, clutching at his chest. His usual reinforced wall of inhibitions lowered by the now worrying lack of sleep. Murdoc continued to stare in disbelief, however in his drunken state, he began to chuckle a little, sheepishly responding to how funny 2D was finding it all.

2D began recollecting himself, straightening up and shakily wiping his teary eyes. He replied with a smile still clearly on his lips. "I'll go get you a glass of water Muds. It's time to sober up or you won't be laughing tomorrow when you have the worst hangover of your life". The singer, still vibrating a little with diminishing laughter, opened the door and headed downstairs, leaving Murdoc to his drunken thoughts within the confines of his dark and suddenly quiet room.

When 2D arrived in the kitchen, his lingering smile dissipated in an instant as the all-consuming smell of Murdoc's vomit hit him like a wall. He swiftly brought both hands to the lower half of his face to cover his mouth and nose, trying his best to stifle the growing urge to gag. The singer knew he should clean the sink at this point before the smell worsened, but he concluded fairly selfishly that he didn't want to throw up himself, knowing that every time the toxic air that drifted from the sink afflicted his senses he began to gag uncontrollably. It was too early to be doing house work, even when the situation was as dire as it was.

2D made his way to the cupboard, taking out a glass. He then swiftly filled it to the brim with tap water (averting his eyes completely from the mess held within the sink) and went to leave. However just before he made his way upstairs again, the singer lent a thought to his fellow band members, who would have to be made subject to the increasingly putrid smell tomorrow if he made no attempt to help it. He plugged his nose and ran to the window, grunting as he opened it fully, then hurrying to the door and running back upstairs. 2D reasoned that if Noodle and Russel complained, which they undoubtedly would, he could easily blame it all on Murdoc.

 _Murdoc_. As the older man's name entered 2D's thoughts his heart instantaneously quickened in pace. Due to his emotional state fluctuating from intense fear to unbridled laughter, all in the space of a night, the singer no longer knew what to feel as he ran back to the bassist's room. He couldn't quite make sense of it all. At least not yet. As it was all unfolding, 2D didn't possess the benefit of hindsight to put the events of the night into context; to bring any sort of definitive understanding to his nebulous emotions. 2D couldn't really think at this point, he only reacted _._

However, the singer judged, that by the way he was currently hurrying back to the bassist's room, trying his best not to spill the wildly sloshing water in the glass he held, did lend his confused mind a very literal clue. He could plainly see that he was _excited;_ excited to return to being in Murdoc's presence. 2D couldn't help but smile at this thought as he scurried back down the halls of Kong Studios, his bare feet quietly pattering against the deep purple carpet as the first forays of dawn light slipped effortlessly through the windows.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update most likely tomorrow if i'm not too tired (long day in London planned lol). If not then, the next day.


	18. Chapter 18

 

As 2D grew nearer to Murdoc's room, he became increasingly aware of the muffled sound of the obnoxiously loud music held within it. When he gradually slowed to a stop near the door, breathing sharply from running, the singer quickly looked down as he noticed the rhythmic vibrations he felt moving through the floor beneath his feet as the music thundered through the thin walls. If Noodle and Russel weren't awake before when Murdoc was causing such a commotion in the kitchen earlier, they certainly were now. 2D reacted quickly, gripping the door knob and vigorously swinging it open. His eyes reflexively widened as the deafening music suddenly hit him, and he recognised the song within an instant.

'True Confessions' by the Undertones was blaring from the record player in the corner of Murdoc's room, it's unrelenting booming drum rhythm and tearing electric guitar riffs reverberating against 2D's ears. In his sleep deprived state, the singer's head instantaneously began to pound and he winced, bringing out a shaky hand to rub the side of his now aching head. Through squinting eyes 2D averted his gaze to the sight of movement in his periphery, and his eyes widened in shock as he stared up at the unwarranted spectacle before him.

Murdoc was jumping up and down on his bed, aggressively air guitaring to the raucous song, his fingers accurately imitating the strum pattern despite his drunkenness and his unruly hair falling so it was almost covering his eyes. 2D was frozen to the spot as he reluctantly observed the man before him. He saw how Murdoc hadn't yet noticed that the singer had entered the room, and as the song crescendoed to its chorus, the bassist closed his eyes tightly and bit his lip, kneeling widely on the bed and riffing dramatically on his figurative guitar. Every so often the man drunkenly shouted the lyrics out like it was a football chant, not relenting in his enthusiastic performance when he occasionally messed up the lyrics.

2D was so taken aback by the sight, he almost forgot about his gradually worsening headache. He stared up at how Murdoc every so often would ruffle and then forcefully push back his wildly falling hair, observing closely how the bassist bit down hard on his lower lip while he mimicked playing an especially meticulous guitar riff. 2D had never felt this way towards Murdoc before, but it was almost _attractive_. The singer was rendered utterly speechless, his mind simply failing to process what he saw before him. However after a few moments of being hopelessly dumbstruck, the singer's chaotic thoughts aligned as he became suddenly conscious of Noodle and Russel, who would undoubtedly be wide awake by now as the thundering music reverberated against the walls of their bedrooms.

The singer regained his voice and tried to shout Murdoc's name over the music, waving both hands in a desperate attempt to capture the older man's attention. After a few more nearly unbearable seconds, between one of his erratic jumps the bassist's eyes fell on 2D for a quick moment. 2D swiftly responded to the other man's coveted gaze by clearly mouthing the words 'Turn it down' as the singer hastily pointed to the record player beside the man and then made a gesture in the air as if lowering the volume on a figurative radio, just to really drive the point home. Murdoc reluctantly stopped jumping, although the bed still humorously bobbed the man up and down slightly, as he furrowed his brow and tilted his head curiously at the singer trying to communicate with him through a wall of blaring music.

When the bassist's slowed mind realised what 2D was trying to say, the older man reacted with a confrontational stance as his arms crossed and his face contorted into a maddened expression, unknowingly channelling the behaviour of a rebellious teenager being disciplined. Despite the music being so loud, Murdoc's raised voice was clearly heard as he shouted over it. "Nah, face-ache. Can't you see i'm rocking out here?!". As the song's chorus sounded once again, the bassist proceeded to continue the unwarranted performance, shouting the lyrics at an even higher volume and jumping wildly. 2D couldn't let this continue any longer as he realised how early in the morning it was, catching a sudden glimpse of the increasingly bright dawn light seeping through the spaces between Murdoc's curtains, falling in illuminated shards onto the bassist's bed. The singer realised with great reluctance that he would have to turn the music off himself.

2D's eyes flitted to Murdoc, watching him closely as he vivaciously jumped and sang in his horrendously shrill voice. The singer was waiting for a moment when the bassist would definitely not see him, as he had rapidly devised a plan. After a few moments, Murdoc enthusiastically launched himself from the bed and spun around in the air, his back momentarily facing the singer. 2D, seizing the opportunity he saw, placed the cup of water he was holding on the floor beside him and hastily ran towards the record player that was situated to the right of Murdoc's bed, at the very edge of his bedside table. 

Just before the singer was able to quickly pull the needle from the records spinning surface, 2D felt a sweaty hand tightly grip his forearm. Before 2D could even react, he had been pulled onto the bed by the jarringly strong bassist. Murdoc released 2D's arm when the singer was stood on the bed with him and then began jumping again, flashing 2D a toothy grin mid-jump as if to coyly invite the singer to join in.

2D froze. He stared with wide eyes at the man before him as his mind attempted to gauge what had just happened. The singer's bare feet reflexively curling into Murdoc's disorderly bed sheets as he suddenly felt himself tense up beyond belief. The younger man was rendered a pathetically immovable object by a single touch as his befuddled thoughts formed a thick fog in his mind and swiftly overtook his entire body. What was he supposed to do? He was still mentally reeling from the idea that Murdoc had just clasped his warm hand around his arm, the thought of having to conjure a way to cope with Murdoc now being so close that the singer could smell the lingering alcohol on the other man's breath as the bassist panted in reaction to his strenuous jumping was _disorientating_. 2D was all but a statue, his heart racing wildly and his eyes deliberately flitting in aversion to the bassist's as the older man's puzzled gaze was suddenly directed at his hopelessly immovable form.

After a few more moments, Murdoc was disappointed to see that 2D's bare feet were still firmly planted on the bed. The singer looked awkward, as he bobbed up and down with each of Murdoc's jumps when the bed rhythmically oscillated, itching his arm nervously and consciously avoiding eye contact. Despite the two men now being close enough to hear each other fairly clearly, Murdoc drunkenly yelled at the singer as he again beckoned him to join. "Come on Dents, loosen up a bit!" he shouted excitedly. Murdoc gave it a few seconds, the music blaring from the record player filling the silence with its crashing drums and deafening vocals. 2D remained unmoving as his nerves continued to engulf every inch of him.

Murdoc, sighing at the sorry sight before him, looked upon the singer sympathetically and made one final attempt to entice the younger man into the moment with him. As the song neared it's final chorus, Murdoc stopped jumping momentarily before the singer, and riding the wave of his non-existent inhibitions, brought out both of his hands and slowly interlocked them with 2D's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update tomorrow.


	19. Chapter 19

2D remembered how he had just..allowed it to happen. He watched with a meek expression as Murdoc's fingers slid between the gaps in his own and he felt limp at the bassist's gentle touch.

In that moment, that felt so drawn out in its gravity, all of the pent up anticipation that 2D had been feeling dissipated in a single exhale. Murdoc's eyes locked confidently with 2D's as the singer stared down at their intertwined hands in quiet bewilderment. As 2D recalled the moment within his mind, he pictured it like it had all happened in slow motion, like it was so drawn out in its silent perfection that his visions frame rate dutifully accommodated.

It was a kind of sensory explosion, as the music still crashing in the background seemed to fade out and the contact of Murdoc's hands with his own, skin sliding over skin, fingers locking with fingers, was all he could feel, all he could hear and all he could see. He breathed slowly, a steady pace that reflected the peculiar relaxation he felt at having a sense of confirmation suddenly thrust upon him. These striking feelings were all new, and yet they felt so classically genuine..like an answer to a question he had not yet brought himself to ask.

2D didn't give a thought to the troubled past the two men shared, the hate Murdoc had previously shown him, the estrangement, the questioning..because in this small moment, the two men created an intricately complex symphony. Both provided conflicting melodies that stormed and intertwined to form something shockingly beautiful: a moment of still tranquility in the midst of a looming tragedy. He hadn't yet considered why this was all happening, he just knew that it was, and the two men's existence seemed to collide wonderfully.

2D's eyes connected with Murdoc's. The singer saw that the other man showed the same relaxation, a similar look of unabashed contentment. Murdoc smiled up at 2D, instantaneously forgetting that he had planned to dance with the singer, as the bassist was rendered hopelessly immovable in the wake of 2D's vulnerable gaze. Murdoc broke the clasp of one of his hands in 2D's and slowly slid a gentle hand behind the younger man, resting it on the curve of the singer's lower back. 2D reciprocated the intimacy by leaning into the other man, their bodies connecting delicately. It all felt so easy- like this moment was already written down in history, the two men merely pawns, acting it out into long-awaited tangibility; into something that was now so real it fell just short of frightening.

Murdoc initiated the inevitable kiss, moving close enough to the singer to allow for their lips to gently connect. 2D unlocked his other hand from the bassist's and brought it up to Murdoc's temple, running his finger tips through the other man's mop of thick black hair. They kissed slowly at first, reading each other's signs like the first page of an unfamiliar novel, finding one another's pace with an initial reciprocal too and fro of delicately connecting lips, hands wandering into a slow but firm caress across their point of contact. The two men quickly found a steady rhythm, kissing each other with increasing vigour. Their quick, needy breathes functioning as an interlude to a duet that was writing itself, blossoming into passionate fruition.

2D's hand found it's place of resting as it cupped Murdoc's jawline, spreading with a wide span across the side of the bassist's face, the singer's thumb proceeding to gently sway back and forth near the other man's soft ear lobe. For 2D, it all felt so surreal, a kiss so lovingly fragile he could only have dreamt it, and of all the people it could have been, it was with _Murdoc_. Although he struggled to comprehend how this came about, as the two men shared this moment of unrelenting intimacy, it all seemed to startlingly make sense. A striking mental contradiction that mimicked the undeniable differences between the two men's personalities, yet they emulsified so beautifully.

Murdoc's hand naturally found its way further down the singer's back, creeping between the gap in 2D's pyjama shorts and resting on the singer's ass, caressing it gently. At this contact, the kiss between the two men became gradually more heated, their tongues delicately colliding with increasing frequency. 2D, enflamed by the feeling of Murdoc's hand on his backside, gently bit Murdoc's lower lip between the ever-lengthening kisses, becoming totally enamoured with the smaller man before him. 2D not only wanted Murdoc at this point, he needed him.

At this pinnacle moment, where the two men were at the apex of their passion, the spinning record on Murdoc's bedside table suddenly stopped sounding, leaving them in intense yet comfortable silence. With the sudden enthrallment of intimacy, the two men had forgotten it was still playing anyway, and payed the abruptly stopping music no attention. Murdoc slowly laid down on the bed as the two men kissed, 2D naturally finding his place on top of the bassist, straddling around the other man's still clothed groin, his arms outstretched, hands planted firmly in the pillow at either side of the bassist's head.

2D became suddenly conscious of what was about to happen, as he lay on top of the other man, who was staring up at him with a vulnerable yet quietly confident expression. 2D couldn't help but note how Murdoc's gaze was a satisfying contradiction of relaxation despite the older man being clearly full to the brim with pent up anticipation, as he pressed his hands against 2D's body, feeling the curve in the singer's back, and gripping the younger man's backside with a firmly unrelenting grasp.

As Murdoc moved in for another kiss, exhaling preparedly, 2D became hesitantly recognisant of the lingering smell of alcohol on the bassist's hot breath. The logical side of the singer's brain suddenly kicked in, abruptly remembering the events of the night so far, how Murdoc had been so blindingly drunk he had vomited and passed out. A spark of a thought entered 2D's head that set the mood off track completely: Was this right?

The singer made the reluctant realisation that Murdoc, although significantly more sober than he was before, still had copious amounts of alcohol running through his veins. 2D thought about the possibility that the bassist wouldn't remember this at all tomorrow, that 2D may be manipulating the other man by initiating this when there was even a hint of a possibility that Murdoc was not in the right mind to deny him. As this all-consuming feeling of doubt overcame him, 2D relented, hesitantly parting lips with Murdoc as he shakily pulled out of a kiss.

The singer, noticing the other man's slightly puzzled expression, quickly brought himself to speak. "Muds. You're drunk. We shouldn't do this" 2D said, whispering out the words. Murdoc was steadfast in his answer, quickly responding to the singer in a hushed tone. "It's fine 2D. I'm virtually always drunk anyway". At this, the older man leaned in to continue the kiss. However, 2D, unsatisfied with this answer, released his straddle around Murdoc's legs and laid down on the bed beside the bassist. Murdoc consequently angled his body so he was facing the singer, propping himself up on his elbow.

Murdoc's eyes flitted as he studied the singer's face, trying to read the younger man's peculiar expression. "What is it?" Murdoc finally asked the singer, wondering why he had suddenly broken the contact between the two men. 2D stared up at the ceiling as he hesitantly answered. "Why is that Muds? Why do you always drink so much?" He asked, a twinge of concern in his hushed tone. Murdoc sighed heavily at this question, it meant revealing something he never really wanted to unearth. Emotional fragility was largely unexplored terrain for the bassist, who was reluctant to open up to anyone and everyone.

Although, the alcohol significantly helped the older man muster up the courage to form an answer. "I guess...I guess I drink to drown out the emotions that I don't really want to feel.." Murdoc answered, trying his best to simplify something overwhelmingly complex. 2D turned his head to look with sympathetic eyes at Murdoc, encouraging the bassist to elaborate with a single expression. Murdoc sighed again, and reluctantly continued. "When i'm sober I-". He hesitated, visibly considering the next words he was going to say carefully. The older man, after a tense few moments, found his words and spoke up once more. "I do things I regret..like get so angry I can't think anymore. I isolate myself, I shout at my friends, I hurt _you_ ".

2D reeled slightly at the mention of himself, the gravity of the moment throwing him off a little, as he became suddenly aware of how much the man seemed to actually care for him. Murdoc reluctantly continued. "When I was younger, I was programmed by my Dad to hate myself as I naturally am, to do everything but be myself... just whack on a costume and perform for the masses. I still suffer because of those years, I still see the scars from the beatings every time I take off my top to go to bed".

2D didn't have the words to respond. He hadn't experienced anything of the sort and could merely sympathise with what Murdoc had gone through. The singer moved slowly so he could lean his body against the other man. Murdoc lay flat on the bed in a responsive gesture, as 2D filled the space on the bassist's shoulder and brought a hand to the older man's chest. 2D began to draw gentle circles across Murdoc's torso as he gazed up to stare longingly at Murdoc's profile, taking him in.

The singer was overtaken by sadness as he realised that Murdoc had a single tear running down his cheek, subsequently leaning in closer to the bassist and wiping the tear away gently with his other hand. He'd never seen Murdoc like this. The bassist never talked about his problems, never really mentioned his tormented past or opened up to this extent. By the way Murdoc had acted towards 2D in the past, the singer had assumed the older man had a burden to bear, but he was always hopelessly ignorant to how heavy that burden was.

Murdoc averted his gaze as 2D wiped away his tear, still uncomfortable with how fragile he was being, how all of his deeply repressed weaknesses were on display. He took a sharp breath in, turning his head away slightly from the singer's hand and spoke up quickly. "Anyway Dents, can we quit the therapy session?" He said gruffly, tactically changing the subject.

The bassist stared down at how 2D was rubbing his chest with increasing vigour, the contact causing the flame inside him to begin to rekindle. Murdoc quickly pulled 2D back on top of him and placed both of his hands on the singer's chest, running his hands up and down the younger man's torso. 2D responded to the bassist's touch by slowly leaning in to initiate another kiss. But just before their lips connected, Murdoc unexpectedly withdrew himself and angled his body slightly towards the bedside table.

The bassist grunted with the effort as he removed the disc within the record player and uncovered another record at the top of a pile in the far corner of the table top. He placed it down and set the needle upon its grooved surface. However, before he pressed play, the bassist looked up at 2D's still form above him and raised an eyebrow flirtatiously. The older man abruptly broke the silence between the two men and spoke in an especially low tone that momentarily took the singer aback. "Let's play some music, shall we?" Murdoc whispered. 2D smiled widely as the bassist then proceeded to lean over and swiftly press play.

'Let's get it on' by Marvin Gaye filled the room, it's cliche first flourishes bringing out a small giggle in the singer as he stared down at Murdoc. Through a toothy grin, 2D responded to the music. "Marvin Gaye, Muds? Really?" he said, clearly repressing the urge to laugh. Murdoc laughed heartily in response. "Yes bloody Marvin Gaye! It sets the mood, doesn't it?".

At that, Murdoc began to undress the still smiling 2D, pulling up the singer's shirt half-way and allowing the younger man to pull the shirt off over his head. Murdoc was overwhelmed at the sight of 2D's bare chest, and began feeling the singer's pale skin with both of his hands, drinking him in. 2D wriggled with pleasure at the contact, and riding the wave of his endorphins, began to lower his pyjama shorts. Murdoc swiftly helped him take them off, and his eyes widened comically as they fell on 2D's cheetah print pants.

Murdoc was going to make a joke about the jarring underwear, however for fear of ruining the moment, he stuffed the words down and let Marvin Gaye's velvet voice prevail as he almost professionally slipped the underwear off of the singer, un-looping them through both of the younger man's legs and then throwing them towards his bedside table. 2D was consequently left feeling unimaginably vulnerable, as he sat naked, straddling the bassist. However, when he observed how Murdoc's eyes excitedly flitted to every inch of his exposed body, the older man subtly licking his lips as he took in the sight before him, the singer began to relax. He quickly translated the nervous energy into unbridled passion, gripping the bassist's face at both sides with his hands and kissing Murdoc firmly on the lips.

The two men shut their eyes tightly as they kissed with rekindled vigour, and now that they knew one another's pace, they once again fell into a steady rhythm. As clothes fell to the floor and heavy breathes were hastily taken as skin touched skin, lips met lips and hands wandered curiously, the golden tones and slow undulating beat of Marvin Gaye's electrifying melody claimed the room in all of its soulful timelessness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so.. this was twice the length of a usual chapter because i legit couldn't stop writing lol next update tomorrow. UPDATE no new chapter today, needed a days break. Next, and very possibly the last chapter will be put out tomorrow


	20. Chapter 20

As the booming music assaulted the four walls of the toilet cubicle, the silence that followed 2D's words was almost deafening in its connotations. Now that the long-repressed secret had finally fallen from the singer's lips, 2D melted with anticipation at the feeling that he couldn't take them back, they now survived on within the mind of the man before him, released from their bindings into fateful nothingness. 2D studied Murdoc's face with desperation in his eyes, clinging onto the hope that the bassist would soon react to what 2D had divulged with him, to give the younger man any sort of confirmation that his words hadn't fallen on deaf ears.

To the singer's dismay, he was finding it frustratingly hard to obtain meaning from the bassist's peculiar expression. Murdoc had averted his gaze from 2D, his eyes flitting rapidly, like he was still trying to gauge what the singer had told him. 2D stared down at the bassist's puzzled face, and the singer's eyes pricked with tears as he suddenly felt consumed by the heaviest, all-engulfing guilt he had ever felt.

That night the two men had spooned for a few hours, 2D tightly holding Murdoc before him in a sleepy embrace, his face softly tickled by the bassist's hair. After a while, 2D had then awoken and quietly left Murdoc's room in the early hours of the morning while the older man had been sleeping soundly. After that, there had been no mention of what had happened between the two men. Murdoc didn't leave his room the next day; he hadn't even responded when Russel angrily knocked on his bedroom door, wondering why the older man wasn't attending the scheduled band practise. There existed such a disconnect between the events and reality, that only seemed to lengthen each day that slowly passed after it, that 2D's grip on his memories had began to progressively fray into senselessness.

Because of the way both men had failed to acknowledge the night happened, and 2D's heavily sleep deprived state at the time, his memories of the night seemed to fragment into eventual nothingness. Each fragile kiss and delicate embrace, stuffed down by an all-consuming sense of denial. His emotions had been so high that night, the singer had then absent-mindedly lulled himself into an emotional plateau; A tormenting contradiction of feeling everything and nothing all at once, every spark of an emotion preceding the night quelled by a parasitic, all-consuming numbness. His mind failed to process anything because after the event, the singer had been so overcome by a striking absence of substance, of meaning, that he could only attempt to replace.

2D had been silently suffering. However little did the younger man know, so had Murdoc. Murdoc was an experienced alcoholic, and although he had never been that hopelessly drunk before, and had suffered copious intermittent black-outs that night, not every memory had slipped through the gaps in his mind into the fateful void. However, they came to him in fragments the next day, as he lay bed-bound due to his head-pounding hangover, and trying to obtain meaning from them was like trying to observe a film through a single pixel.

At first, he largely ignored the singer, avoiding his whereabouts when they were in the house, not attending band-practise.. it was fairly easy to ghost 2D when the singer began to spend entire days silently locked away in his bedroom. After weeks of this routine, the two men had slowly begun to speak again when their circumstances had called for it. However, every time he had engaged with the singer in awkward, half-hearted conversation, Murdoc couldn't help but feel he was lying to himself. He had gradually relented in his bullying of the singer, because the burning questions that stormed in his mind were torture enough.

The bassist had begun to drink even more excessively than usual, religiously conforming to his normalised routine of self-inflicted isolation. He lay for days on end within his dark, dingy bedroom, hoping that time would remove the event from the unchangeable timeline of the past, waiting for the memories to eventually be scrubbed from his chaotically reconfigured mind. However, one day Murdoc had realised that as time passed, his confusion-born questions only burned further into the recesses of his mind, winding among themselves, gradually engulfing his mind in a torturous paradigm of encircling entropy. Murdoc had to bring himself to talk to the singer about it, for the sake of his own _sanity_.

Unfortunately, it wasn't as simple as that. After this realisation, Murdoc had struggled endlessly to open the gates of communication with the singer. They had both put figurative walls between them, to such an extent that a coherent conversation between the two men was no longer a possibility. To try and attempt to talk about the events of that night, after they had only really spoken in fragmented hesitant questions and reluctant, monosyllabic responses was to be an intricately difficult challenge.

But my god, did Murdoc try.

The amount of times Murdoc stood with his balled fist raised hesitantly to 2D's door late at night, trying to internally psych himself up to knocking in hope that the singer would open it and he could finally confess, were sadly too many to count. However, what had halted Murdoc every time was the voice inside his head that told him that perhaps 2D wanted to forget the night had happened, that maybe Murdoc was going to somehow re-open a wound that was already beginning to heal...perhaps the singer regretted sleeping with the likes of him.

Murdoc's final attempt at broaching the subject was when he found himself momentarily alone with the singer in the kitchen, while the bassist had been finishing up his make-shift lasagna. The bassist had been stealing glances from the kitchen counter at the younger man as 2D had sat silently at the kitchen table. Murdoc had noticed 2D shakily put on his headphones, a gesture that he had assumed was the singer's not so inconspicuous attempt to drown him out, pretend they weren't alone together. The bassist struggled to admit it to himself, but the way 2D seemed so uncomfortable in his presence had really upset him, down to his very core.

Despite how 2D had averted his eyes at every oppurtunity from the bassist's gaze, despite how the singer didn't even attempt to make any hint of conversation with him, Murdoc had to try. Clenching his fists tightly at his sides and breathing in deeply as an involuntary response to his building anticipation, the bassist mustered up the courage to approach 2D as he scrolled absent-mindedly on his laptop, seemingly through social media.

Murdoc approached from behind the singer, reluctantly taking a moment to stare longingly at the back of 2D's head. He involuntarily found himself remembering how soft the younger man's hair had felt that night when he had delicately ran his finger tips through it. This spark of a memory lit up a new train of thought, whereby Murdoc was suddenly hit by the fragmented memory of how gently the two had kissed, how unimaginably sexy the singer had looked stark naked, straddling him. He remembered how 2D's hot, hastily taken breaths had fallen on his neck as the two men had lay within inches of each other, in a passionate embrace, consumed by the covers of Murdoc's bed. The bassist had hopelessly fell into an acute trance at that moment, fitting together the scattered pieces of memory in his mind was straining for Murdoc, and he likened it to attempting to see a full, coherent reflection through hundreds of randomly strewn shards of broken mirror.

In fear that 2D would become abruptly aware that Murdoc was standing behind him in this manner, that could easily be misconstrued as creepy, the bassist had then rapidly dragged himself out of the trance, shunting himself back to reality. As it happened, he did so at just the right moment, as Murdoc proceeded to look in the reflection of 2D's laptop screen to see that the singer's black eyes were locked onto the bassist in apprehensive puzzlement. He'd noticed, and Murdoc's mind worked double time as he hastily tried to find an explanation for why he was standing within such a peculiarly close proximity to 2D.

Under the singer's burning gaze, the bassist had dropped all plans of broaching the subject of that night, and his eyes began to flit quickly to the assorted focal points before him, desperately looking for a make-shift explanation. Thinking on his feet, the bassist quickly saw a raven on 2D's timeline and commented on it absent-mindedly, so full of nervous energy that he didn't even hear himself what words had escaped his lips. While the singer was awkwardly fumbling through a response, obviously apprehensive at the bassist's unusually close presence, Murdoc cringed at what he had said, exhaling deeply and momentarily closing his eyes as it all became too much.

He realised from that point, that any hopes of broaching the subject with the singer were empty, and undeniably futile. In that moment, as Noodle and Russel burst into the kitchen and Murdoc had proceeded to walk defeatedly back to the kitchen counter, he had concluded half-heartedly that maybe if they didn't talk about it, it would all eventually be forgotten. The bassist had realised with great reluctance that perhaps the night shouldn't have happened, and despite still being totally enamoured with the singer, he would have to live on pretending that night never escaped the realms of his dreams into something so beautifully surreal in its tangibility.

Murdoc's moment of processing passed, and he looked up to the singer, who had streams of tears running down his cheeks. The bassist couldn't form words at the sight of 2D crying like this, he felt suddenly so guilty that it had gotten to this point, that the memory of that night had lay festering within their minds for this long that it had become a _burden_. A toilet cubicle wasn't the most romantic of places, but the bassist made it work, as he slowly brought both hands to 2D's soft cheeks, resting them at the sides of the singer's face gently and wiping the younger man's tears away with his thumbs.

The two men gazed into each others eyes as silence filled the space between them. However, Murdoc noted that this wasn't the usual tense silence that he had become so accustomed to when circumstantially alone with 2D, it was a comfortable self-affirming silence, as the two men faced each other, silently dumbstruck as both mutually realised how much they cared for the other man. Murdoc eventually spoke with an affirming tone, pricked with over-spilling emotion. "I know, 2D. I know they're yours." he said, in a low yet simultaneously comforting demeanour. Murdoc smiled despite the rapidly forming tears swelling in his own eyes, threatening to fall. He spoke shakily as he held the singer's face in his hands. "I remember, I just needed you to say it".

2D, at this confirmation, began to weep uncontrollably, as all of the pent up feelings of anticipation, festering guilt and looming regret expelled themselves abruptly from his body in an explosion of unbridled emotion. The singer fell limply into Murdoc's arms, hastily gripping the bassist's back with tense finger tips, sobbing loudly into the older man's shoulder. A breakthrough.

As the long-standing walls between the two men came instantaneously crashing down, Murdoc wrapped his arms around the singer and held the younger man tightly against his chest. It was absolute bliss, as they held each other delicately in an affirming embrace. Murdoc, through cloudy eyes, gazed down lovingly at 2D's shock of blue hair falling on his shoulder. The bassist tightly shut his eyes and exhaled deeply, momentarily revelling in the gorgeous feeling of the singer's warm breath gently meeting the skin of his neck, 2D's fingers digging firmly into his upper and lower back, how their bodies were pressed against each other, like they had suddenly become one again. Murdoc reasoned that he could stay like this forever, wrapped around 2D. Just the two men, locked in a never-ending harmonious embrace in the ironically less than beautiful location of a dingy night club toilet cubicle.

He was surprised when 2D spoke up abruptly, in a shaky, vulnerable tone that moved Murdoc to his very core. "What do we do now, Murdoc?" The singer whispered into the older man's shoulder, clearly exhausted. The innocent fragility of the singer's question momentarily took Murdoc slightly aback, and he replied hesitantly. "I really don't know, 2D..." Murdoc's voice trailed off into a whisper, as he squeezed the singer even tighter, a single tear running down his cheek. He planted a slow, soft kiss on the singer's forehead and brought himself to speak once more."...But we can stay here for now".

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. It's 3am and i've finished. I hope you all enjoyed my first fanfic as much as I loved writing it.. Don't know what to do with myself now this is over.. i might start working on another fic soon, It's been such a good experience.


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